Christ-mas catalogs.

“why don’t we do the same thing as last year?” came her voice over the phone. “why don’t we give to others. it’s not our birthday anyways.”

& so we did.

last christmas we gave less gifts so that we could support a compassion international child. this year, we decided to spend less on gifts, to give a small gift or a homemade gift. our main gifts would be donations to an organization that would bless someone else this christmas.

each of us set out on our own journey. a journey to spend less on earthly wonders to gain eternal treasures. a journey of crafting or bargaining or driving or searching websites. a journey that involved pulling out a credit card. but not to buy a new shirt or shoes or dvds. instead we bought chickens, a well, a gift for a single mom & baby, freedom for girls in slavery, a new shelter, help for special needs kids, beads that support women & ornaments that support orphans in uganda.

& once again, i had to let go of my christmas, of my plans. but was it ever mine to begin with? why do i worry that christmas won’t be the same, if the attention is taken off of the gifts & focused on the Giver?

i needn’t have worried. focusing on Him multiplies joy. there was laughter in my heart & love radiating through the house as each person opened their present, opened the donation made in their name, opened a package of grace or a new beginning for someone else in the world.

this is Christ-mas.

God gave us an eternal gift of hope. grace. forgiveness. love.

now we join in the giving.

“Why spend money on what is not bread,
and your labor on what does not satisfy?
Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good,
and you will delight in the richest of fare.
Give ear and come to me;
listen, that you may live.
I will make an everlasting covenant with you,
my faithful love promised to David.
See, I have made Him a witness to the peoples,
a ruler and commander of the peoples.
Surely you will summon nations you know not,
and nations you do not know will come running to you,
because of the Lord your God,
the Holy One of Israel,
for He has endowed you with splendor.

Seek the Lord while He may be found;
call on him while He is near.”

Isaiah 53:2-6

shalack, at christmas.

christmas break. i’ve been home for over a week. i was dreading this time at first. i just wanted to leave straight from school to africa. i didn’t want to say goodbye. i didn’t want to have to be in a house full of so many people enjoying a moment that i can barely keep my eyes on, because i’m already looking to the next.

but this time is needed. i’ve realized that now. i have so much to learn. about myself. about God. about His Son. about grace. even about christmas.

i am going through beth moore’s book breaking free. in it was a new picture, for me, of God’s sacrifice of His Son for us. it is so good that I have to share it.

isaiah 61:1 says, “…He has sent me to bind up the broken hearted…” the hebrew word for sent is shalack meaning “to shoot (forth).” to shoot, like an arrow.

psalm 127:3-4  says, “children are a heritage from the LORD […] like arrows in the hand of a warrior.”

here is a picture the bible paints for us. a man has a quiver & he fills his quiver with arrows. the arrows are his children. the more arrows, the better off the man is to face the future, to face life.

Jesus is God’s only Son (john 3:16,17). He is God’s only arrow. a perfect, priceless arrow that God adores. He is like no other. none can match His glory. this arrow is the beloved Son of God.

but God has 2 loves. God looked down & saw man, His work of art. made & formed to be like their Father, to reflect His glory. His heart melt at the sight of His children. but they had decided to on a different life plan, one separated from their Father. His own creation had decided that they were better off loving each other & the creation around them, than the Creator.

God saw this. He saw their sin & saw their helplessness. His children were perishing in their own folly. something had to be done to save them.

God had these 2 loves. His Son & His creation. He was overwhelmed with His love for both. He knew a sacrifice had to be made. to save one, the other must die.

so God drew His one, priceless, beloved arrow. His quiver was now empty. He held the arrow in His hands. it’s beauty was overwhelming. He smiled, a pain-filled but loving smile. God took the arrow & placed it in the bow. He drew back the string. He aimed the weapon for the heart of man, His creation.

“and she brought forth her first born son, & wrapped Him in swaddling clothes, & laid Him in a manger.” Luke 2:7

& this arrow pierced my heart. I am one of the broken hearted. i am one who’s heart is still hemorrhaging from heart surgery, from the sin that is being ripped out daily. but i am not left in helplessness. the Healer comes. He takes His nail pierced hands & presses them around my heart. for a moment the pain is so intense, i let out a blood curling scream!

then there’s quiet. there’s peace. i look down, & my heart looks different. healing has begun. a healing process that may take the rest of my life to understand. a healing process that is bringing me to an intimacy with Christ that I desperately long for. an intimacy i’ve been praying. an intimacy that i need.

I thought this wouldn’t happen until uganda. i thought it would be in the bush of africa where i would see my sin & then see Christ. but once again, God has shown me He is in control & has a much bigger plan for me. He has blessed me with a christmas gift that is priceless. that keeps on giving. & that i can give to others.

Jesus.

crafting.

elected.

before everyone ruffles their feathers about this post, I need to throw out a disclaimer: I have been studying theology for the past week for my theology class (trying, hoping, & praying for an A!!!). one of the essay questions is on election/predestination, so I began the search in the Truth. these are just a few of my thoughts as I was preparing for the essay. I thought they may be worth sharing & may even prompt someone to do their own search. feel free to comment (but nicely please!).

what is our purpose? why were we created? to glorify God.

what is God all about? His glory. there is nothing greater, holier, or higher than Himself.

so did He elect us? yes.

why? Isaiah 43:7,21 says He made us & chose us to proclaim His name & show the pleasure He has in it.

Man cannot choose God. 1 Corinthians 1:29-30 says that man cannot boast before God. if we chose Him, we would be able to claim some form of power & part in the saving of our souls. it would put some part of God’s glory & His plan for His children into the indecisive, fickle, weak, & helpless hands of man. ephesians 1:3-5,7 says that God has not left the power of who are His “chosen ones” to the self-determining power of man.

finally, 2 Corinthians 4:4-6 says that an unbeliever’s mind is blinded by the god of this world. God has to shine into a believer’s heart so that he can know God.

we are dead in our sins, according to ephesians 2:1. can a dead man at the bottom of a lake reach up & grab a rope that could save his life? no, that’s ridiculous. he’s dead! so can we, who are dead in all the evil & bad things we are born into & do in each day (from our thoughts to our actions), can we save ourselves by choosing Christ? we’re dead!

someone once explained election to me like this: when we walk into heaven we’re going to see the gate before us. we look up & written at the top is “free will.” but as we walk under the gate & into the kingdom, we will stop & take one last glance at the beautiful gate. but, surprisingly, on this side of the gate is written another word: “predestined.”

we take the first step. God takes the second step. & by the time we get to the third step, we realized God took the first step. (from Steve Brown’s a Scandolous Freedom)

but who am I to know or solve a great theological question that no one has answered for centuries? I’m just a 20 year old girl trying to pass her theology class.

wish me luck! the exam is tomorrow!

finals.

it’s here. finals week. actually, it’s been here since last saturday when I began studying. when you add in coffee, friends, a baby (not mine!), good music,  & random off campus locations, studying is not that bad. only thing that has been rough this week is our coffee pot. it is adding a most disgusting flavor to our coffee. & after several washes & vinegar & water rinses, we now have burned vinegar flavored coffee. delicious.

my thoughts are always scattered during finals (well that’s my excuse for this week). so this blog post is going to be short & random! brace yourselves.

i’m broadening my spectrum of music. here are a few new artists i’m enjoying: sucre’s “when we were young” & elizaveta’s “dreamer” & any of sufjan stevens new christmas album.

caf food is gross. avoid it at all costs. you can only eat so many salads & turkey sandwiches.

read today’s entry of my utmost for his highest. repentance is always good. especially when the Holy Spirit is involved.

every once in a while, my dad writes me a w.o.w. letter (words of wisdom… from dad). I received one in the mail today (much excitement when there’s something actually in my p.o. box). he challenged me that life is not about quantity but about quality. “better, better, better. not more, more, more.” this applies to friendships, marriage, school, work…. that’s something that I daily need to be reminded of. he finished the letter with a “good luck on finals” & a nice little reminder: “anyone can start well. it’s finishing that counts.”

here’s a good quote that my dad included from an article:   “Let us not be so consumed with getting through that we let it all pass by. let us not be in such a hurry to get there that we don’t experience what’s here. let us not be so obsessed with making a living that we miss out on making a life. much, not many.” this applies to how I’ve tried to view this semester. being all present, wherever, I am. not wishing for the next season. but it’s hard. sometimes I wish God would just show me the outcome.

last thought. prayer. I need lots of it for uganda. people have been asking me how they can be praying for me. so here is an ever-growing list:

humility as i adjust to a new culture & people & daily realized that i’m a sanctified mess. not to become overly frustrated when I make cultural mistakes, instead, learn from them. strength & energy. boldness in proclaiming the gospel. protection from the enemy’s attacks (physically & spiritually). time to get away with the Lord & soak in all He is teaching me. rest. a smooth adaptation to the culture. patience. unity with the team. submissiveness. my tongue to be guarded. love for the people (even now before I meet them). lastly, soccer skills. (feel free to answer that prayer request!)

Christ School Bundibugyo Video

finally!!! a video of bundibugyo! this is where I will be for the next few months working with these kids. (better start working on those soccer skills). notice the size of the ants… yikes!