oh today! it is one of those weeks where the best way I can help the world is by staying in bed. the missionary mind of “give up & go out” has turned into “woe is me!” distraught, despairing, & moaning, I heavily contemplate hitting the alarm clock & rolling over.
andrew murray has a few words for me this morning. he tells me that I am not hopeless. far from it actually. I have a powerful source of grace pumping through my spiritual veins.
what must I do to get out of this “funk” that waits for my eyelids to open each morning before it pounces on my thoughts & sinks me into the mud? how do I find joy when all I really want to do is punch something?
according to murray, it’s all in the surrender. the moment by moment releasing of my will, my plans, my attitude, my “rights”, even my spiritual gifts. by laying all of ME at the cross, I gain Christ. “ever thirsting is the secret of never thirsting. each blessed experience we receive as a gift of God, must at once be returned back to Him from whom it came, in praise & love, in self-sacrifice & service; so only can it be restored to us again, fresh & beautiful with the bloom of heaven,” says murray.
was this not abraham’s story? he receives the impossible, a child at sarah’s old age, only to be told to give isaac back? the constant flow of receiving & giving. right when we think it’s ours, we must give it back only to realize it was never ours in the first place. but is it not through the emptying of what was full, that we receive more? isaac was “received back again a thousandfold more precious than before- a type of the Only-begotten of the Father, whose pure & holy life had to be given up ere He could receive it again in resurrection power, & could make His people partakers of it.”
this example I must follow. paul says that everything is a loss compared to knowing Christ? oh child of God that I am (but I constantly fail to remember), let me forget & give up my past experiences & even this present experience of grace to reach out to fully apprehend Christ in my life.
through self-denial, crucifixion of my own desires on a daily basis, do I experience the grace I need to live. the nourishment I receive in the early morning from a few moments of prayer & bible verses, I must return to its Maker in the work of the day that follows. in this giving out, my taking in grows. I am filled, then I spill. only to be filled again with even more.
murray sums it up: “in the healthy exercise of giving & taking is all the enjoyment of life.”
let me lose myself today, letting go of all that I think is mine so that I can wholly be found & filled by Him.